So....

It has been way too long since I blogged anything, anywhere and life has definitely been happening. I didn't want to post about this before, was afraid of upsetting people, one at least that I really care about.

Couple weeks ago my oldest son was given a medical discharge from the Navy, he was really upset by this. He had his life figured out for the next 5 years and now, nothing. It was hard on him, this thing happening, but I think it would have gone so much easier if he didn't have to face another big let down immediately after that happened.

He was engaged to be married and apparently the moment the fiance found out he wasn't going to be in the military for the next 5 years, she dumped him cold.  Didn't want to marry him, didn't want anything to do with him anymore.  It was painful what she did to him, he was home back in CA less than an hour and we(his family) had to go pick up him and his belongings. This stupid chick wasted NO TIME breaking his heart.  So he lives with me again now....yes it is an extra burden while he is still unemployed and looking for work, but really, I love having him home again now.

This ex of his was sooo shallow, I had never met a person like her before, and hope I don't ever again.
I think everyone but my son knew the kind of gal she was, but he knows now.  I'm proud of the way he is picking himself up and moving on with his life without her now. 

And for me, its been great having him in my life again, without someone else telling him what he can and cannot do all the time. What he didn't see is that if someone really loves you, they respect your choices too and you don't have to only do what they want to do.  I'm hoping he has been able to clear his head enough now that when a new relationship comes along, he won't just disappear on us again.

I don't know what his future holds but I am hoping he learned enough from this stupid bitch to not ever fall into that kind of trap again.

As for her, I think she will always be out to gain something from someone, she does not seem to understand what love really is, and probably never will.

And so, on ward, we have the holidays coming up and it will definitely be different than it was last year. But I think it will be fun.

Sept 12th...

So, it's the day after Sept 11th, 2011.  Yesterday surprised me, how emotional it could be even 10 years later... But I had a lot to think about as well.  A son who joined the Navy just this month.  What will his future be like? I am so very proud of him for the the commitment he has made now, but I also worry about him.  I guess that's standard for any mom, right? The whole joining the Navy surprised me but I've gotten used to the idea now. I don't pray but all I can do is keep good safe thoughts of him and hope for the best.  He will have a whole new family now, beside of us and then Brittany and hers, the Navy. I hope he embraces it and strives to become the man he wants to be.

I haven't written here in several months now, and I have missed it, but I realize this will probably be a good place for me to write about my feelings as my 1st born son starts on this new path in his life. I told him just how proud of him I am before he left, and that I love him, so that he doesn't have any reason to doubt it. 

I had started one or two pieces of fiction in this blog and I hope to get back to them soon, at least the main one.

More later.

Just a day in June...

So, it's just a day in June. Not a lot happening but I haven't blogged lately so I figured I would check in.  Things are quiet for now...this past couple months have been interesting though. My oldest joined the Navy and heads out in a couple months for basic training.  I have very mixed feelings about this. I love him and will miss him a lot but I am also worried about him.  I know he is nervous about what the future holds and I don't know where he will end up or what will happen while he is serving our country.  All I can do is love him and be supportive.  He will see a lot of things in the world that I never have and hope he will tell me all about them.  He and his fiance are getting married next month before he leaves as well. 

Son number 2 scared the hell outta me this month, talking about wanting to move to Bend.  That is probably the last place on earth I would be willing to give a try living at. lol  But he seems to realize its not a move that is going to happen, at least not at this point. So, that little episode was averted...he would have had to do it without me, and I would have missed him, his wife and my granddaughter very much. For now though, things are as they are. Just settled into a daily routine of working and then relaxing some. All the normal things, no real dramas or anything. Just cruising along doing whatever comes up and its less stressful than my past was at least. I can do with it staying like this for a while now, please.

There is the story I started on here, I have had a bunch of ideas where to go with that, and I will be going further with it later tonight.  I seem to write better in the evenings, not sure why that is.

The general view I have of things in life hasn't changed but I am, for now, at peace with things and don't feel like ranting about anything.  So, gonna stop here for now.

 

This that and the other...

Things....  yea, I've been thinking too much again.  It's been an interesting last week or so. What can I say? Not really asking, just saying...  Randomness?   well I tell ya if you embrace what's in your soul and hide it way, not letting anyone or anything else in. What have you really got? What will it mean if you don't share it all?   Story of my life, I think.   It's all hidden away. 

I think about a lot of things, and don't share it with hardly anyone. It's a waste until I come here and pour it out on this blog...that no one else reads LOL  Funny but ya know what?  I like it this way. Can say what I want, ya'll don't know me anyway.  So,its all good.
I feel a lot of different things lately, disgust, fear, anger, sadness. All in the space of the last week or so.  Life is a roller coaster that sometimes moves too fast I guess. What else is new?

I am fairly calm at the moment, there are big changes ahead and storms to weather too, I think. We shall see.   Things I read about, distantly are about to become familiar to me in my everyday life. So I guess I roll with the punches. I always seem to, kicking and screaming sometimes, but I roll.
Yea, true I don't scream too loud...someone might hear me.  All in the soul, all in the heart.

a silent scream 
a soul hanging onto
whatever it can
fearing and loving
never knowing

clinging to what is there
secreting not sharing
something is there
small, hiding
inside, keeping
only to me

darkness and light
contrasts and yet
the soul knows both
mine alone
and yet
what I see...

of wanting or
needing
grasping or letting
it slide away
beyond reach
beyond view
still mine
regardless

what I own
 I fear
 I love
 I am
it's mine alone
in the darkness
and in the light

a thought or a feeling
when all is said and done
what's inside
knowing,
what is real
just not wanting
to miss...

the blink of an eye
and it's gone again
and yet
still mine
always mine

Pieces..more

That evening in my room I was not disturbed at all by Gabe.  Maybe he was busy unpacking or something, I didn't check on him at all so I really don't know what he did while I was hiding away in my room.  I wanted to think that he had just settled in and relaxed and hadn't thought about me, and what I was doing locked in my room 

The next morning I got up for work and when I came out Gabe was still asleep. Not sure of his work schedule, I did not disturb him.  I had breakfast and got out the door before he was up at all.  Not a thought as to my collection while I was gone.  He didn't know it existed so how could he look for it? Why would he?   My day was a normal one, as normal as I could have, anyway.   I just had no thought that anything could be wrong.  I should have though.

By the time I got home that evening, with three more pieces of paper to add to my collection, Gabe was there in the living room, he had the tv flipped on and was settled on the couch watching some odd thing or another. I didn't really look at it.   He looked up at me and said "Hey." when I came in.  I said hey back to him.  He went back to his show and nothing else was said at that point.  I looked around, he had cleaned up the apartment while I was at work. It looked nice, he had done the things I had not done in the last few weeks, like vacuuming the living room, and mopping the kitchen floor.  He was into his show so I didn't say anything to him at that point.  I made a mental note to thank him later for it. 

He had not made anything for dinner, as I said before, cooking was not his thing.  So, I got some quick stuff out of the cabinets and whipped up something in a fairly short amount of time and told him, "Dinner is served."  He looked up and smiled. And we sat down to a good dinner.  Nothing much was really said while we ate.  I figured this was his way of settling in and still letting me have the space he knew I was used to.  He commented that dinner was good and he said thank you to me for it.   I nodded back to him in return. Letting him know it was all good.  We put our dishes in the sink afterwards and he told me to leave them, he would take care of them tonight, it was the least he could do. 

As usual, I had some pieces of paper in my pocket that I had collected throughout the day, really only two for today, but they were waiting for me. I wanted to get to them. Look them over and see where they fit in my collection. I didn't say anything to Gabe as I headed towards my room, but he spoke up as I approached my door.

"Hey, was hoping you could hang out here tonight.  Wanted to talk a bit and maybe we could watch a movie.  I could use the company about now." he said to me then. 
I sighed, not too much so but enough that maybe I could make the excuse that I was tired and just wanted to take a nap or something, anything to get into my room and take out my collection.
Gabe, I get it, I said, you've been alone for a while, but I'm beat tonight. Let me take a rain check?" I said to him.   He didn't answer for a minute or two, maybe considering what he wanted to say.  

"Yea, ok.   I had assumed that was what it was last night, you were tired. But then your light was on in your room till late. And I know you don't sleep with the light on, you never have in your whole life.  You make a habit of it and I may take it personally, like you don't want me here or something."

I told him then, again, that he was welcome here, for as long as he wanted or needed to be here.  But, I also told him, sometimes I was going to want my space still too, it was what I was used to here.  He conceded,  "Well ok, maybe tomorrow night we can go to a movie or something then."  I didn't really reply, just sort of nodded and went into my room, closed the door and locked it behind me.  I let out a really big sigh then.  Was this what it was going to be like every time I wanted to go to my room and be alone?

I lost myself after that, going through the papers and my notebook again.  Really, that is the best way to describe it, lost myself...  when I was there with those pieces nothing else seemed to exist. Nothing else was in my thoughts.  I hadn't really thought about it before then, but I started to realize just how all-consuming this really was.  I heard a rustling outside my door, in the hall. and the light came on out there, I saw the dark shadows of someone walking by my bedroom door. They stayed there for a minute and then moved away.

It was then that I realized that Gabe was probably really wondering what I was doing in my room. Not that he thought, as I had said, that I was just tired. But that because my light was still on in my room, he knew something was going on in here.  I was going to have to protect my secret very carefully now.  If he got to wondering he would not just stop anytime soon.  That night before I went to bed, late again, I bagged up my collection and put it in the back of my closet, instead of the dresser drawer it had been in the night before.   Less chance Gabe would be in there than in my dresser drawers. I'm not sure why I thought that but I did.  Really, I still figured Gabe would not invade my privacy in my room. 

The next morning when I got up Gabe was already up and dressed for work.  He really didn't say much to me as he had his coffee and got ready to leave for the day.   I told him to have a good day, on his way out the door. For a minute, I debated calling in sick today, so I could be home alone while Gabe was gone all day. I wanted to, but thought better of it when I remembered there was a deadline for a project I was on at work.  Without another thought of it I got myself ready and left for the day also.  I had no idea what Gabe's work schedule was, so I did not know he would be home a couple of hours before me that evening.

Eh, maybe later....

I was thinking..if I were to make a list of all the things I have put off doing lately...1 it would be a long list and 2 I don't feel like doing it right now. Maybe I will get around to it later.  Besides, it just reminds me of all the inactivity in my life and the fact that I procrastinate way too much already, why add making myself feel guilty on top of that?  Naa, I will pass. 
Been surfing around and reading some funny blogs tonight and that is good stuff.  Such an education one can get that way.  All the little known facts of the world that you can't find anyplace else. Gotta love it, great entertainment for someone who is putting off doing more important things.  But hey, I work all day and today was a bear of a day...why would I want to work on more in my little bit of free time?  I don't, really.

Some of the things I put off are important, some aren't so much but are just things I really should do....like sending my mom pictures of her 1st great grandchild. Maybe that would be more of a priority for me if she made an effort on her end...baby is 7 months old now and she hasn't come to see her once yet.  So it gets put on me to send pics instead.  To the point that my brother even bugs me to do it... part of me really wants to just say, well grab a disposable camera and come for a visit...get all the pics you want. But save me the hassle of doing it all for you, as usual.  Maybe that's what this is about, not wanting to do things for her anymore, as I had for years until I got fed up with the whole situation with her.  Hell, if it's actually important to her she could get up from her bingo seat and spend the money on gas to come here instead....@@   Maybe I'm being mean, I don't know but I don't feel like it. 

I find I am becoming very selective in my priorities these days. By the time I finish working I'm tired most days and don't want to HAVE to do anything at all.  Id rather lay around and watch TV or listen to internet radio and just relax...no pressure. Except that I keep putting off stuff that is important too, and eventually it's going to stress me out, like it always does when I procrastinate for too long on things.  I keep telling myself, I will do X thing this weekend...and then the weekend comes and goes without my even glanced at it yet. 

I really need to just stop screwing around and get to at least some of these things that I refuse to list here.
Maybe this weekend....

other stuff

Every time I come back here I feel like I really should get over here and post more often.  It relaxes me and helps me focus, sometimes anyway. And I enjoy the other blogs I follow as well.
I was thinking about my day today...it was a pretty busy work day and I stayed late to finish everything up.
On a daily basis I wonder about people, their motives, their changing moods, the way they deal with the many things that come up in a day at the place I work.  Maybe because we only talk via Instant messages, (we all work remotely from different parts of the country)  On rare occasions we call each other or text.  But, just from online conversations and emails mostly, how do you really know what someone thinks? You don't get the tone of their voice, their body language or their facial expressions this way.  It can be tough to figure out sometimes.

There are days where I feel like I have to try too hard. At everything.  Seems like no matter what I do, there is one gal who wants to blame me for everything, even things I had nothing to do with, or that I had no control over.  And yet, I wonder if it is because I try too hard that this gal doesn't like me? Or at least she seems like she doesn't like me.  Regardless of what is really the case.  I have renewed my resolve to just do the best I can and mind my own business wherever possible at work.  The less I get involved in what someone else has done, or not done, I think the better off I will be.  Kinda like the do my job and keep my mouth shut kinda thing really. And hope that works. Who knows.

Just one of the daily things that happens that I need to figure out how to navigate safely through.
I am so into wanting to just sit down and write again lately. My problem is that every time I start a story, and come back to it later to do more, I don't feel like writing about that thing anymore. At least, that is the way it happens a lot.  There are times when I can go back to what I was writing but I guess usually it's just that the novelty of the idea has worn off when I leave it for a while and then come back to it.  And yet, Id still rather be writing than working, or most anything else really.

There are a lot of of things about me that I don't tell people. Not many know how much I like to write, because I don't do it very often, and when I do, I rarely share it with anyone.  Maybe that's why I like the blog thing here. I'm me and I can do or say what I want, and no one knows who I am.  Dare I say it, but I don't even have any followers here, and I kinda like that because it frees me to write whatever I want.  Couple days ago I saw online someplace that there is a writing contest...I'd love to enter it. Eerie Sci Fi or supernatural type stories is what they are looking for.  My favorite genre. As much as I want to write something to enter, I find myself realizing I don't time to work on a piece right now, or really a solid full story idea for one.  Inklings of ideas, in the thought stage yep, plenty of ideas there. But, nothing concrete that I can just start to work on.  It's nice to dream, I guess.

I've told myself dozens of times over the years that I would love to stop my day job and just be a successful writer instead.  I guess a lot of people have that same dream. It sounds so ideal to me.  But I don't have a set discipline for it.

My blogs aren't funny stuff but that contradicts my personality really, I pick fun at a lot of things in life and can make people laugh when I want to.

Hmm...I dont know.....

I'm actually in a good mood tonight. A bit tired..its been a long week, but not so bad really.
True I still have to get up an work again early tomorrow morning again. That is just for a while and then I can relax most of the rest of the weekend.
I need to make a serious effort to gather all my deductible info and get my taxes done this weekend. I do them online so its not like I have to go anyplace,its just a time consuming thing...REALLY time consuming. But it can be done.
Probably between that, working on and off and needing to do at least some laundry, I won't get to do much writing, which is what I'd rather be doing. 
I keep telling myself I will have time to write later...and then later, I say later again...so much time passes. I have not written a decent poem in a while now, and I love to do that. Such a free form of expression for me... Hmm....

Wanting to understand so many things
Wishing I just knew how it will all work out.
I know that whatever happens is what was meant to be.

I no longer try so hard to control things,
but then I wonder if I let too many things just go
without my trying to anything about them.

Putting it off and knowing I shouldn't
That the time is not endless for this...
If I don't do what I know I should, I know
I will regret it later,
when it's too late.

I keep reminding myself
that if I don't reach out soon,
I will never be able to say things I really want to
in the time there is left.

I grew up loving the person he is
and he has withdrawn from everyone now.
I can only begin to understand just how he feels.
And yet, the thing that seems important to
 to me now...is that I want him to know
just how loved and accepted he is.

I'm told he has already given up
and wants to let go...
but that's not the man I knew him to be.
He used care... it used to matter.

just some thoughts...

So, I've spent some time lately, thinking about my mom.
Family relationships are always so hard to really grasp, on the surface they are simple, but take that cover off things and it becomes very complex. My relationship with my mom is hard for me to sort out. Has been for years now. I'm hoping to gain a little perspective by putting some of this out to read...
I am going to start with the way things are between she and I currently, given, of course, all from my perspective. I'm sure hers is quite different.
Less than a year ago I felt as if I needed to take action, when faced with a situation that involved my mother.  I was living in a 2 bedroom apartment with she, my son and his fiance, who was about 8 months pregnant then.
Never mind the thought that we did not really have room for one more person in this apartment, we were going to try to make it work.  Several months before that, in conversation with my mom, she had said she would move out to make room for us there with the new baby that was on the way.  It had been discussed that she was the only one that smoked in the apartment.  That I was sleeping on the couch and that, I had doubts that she really wanted to live in a home with a new baby..crying at night and at times throughout the day. In my view I saw her being not at all comfortable with the noise level, the nighttime hours that would be kept etc. Let alone the fact that she was unwilling to quit smoking. I KNEW, as she did, that smoking is not healthy around a baby, let alone any other non-smoker. So she had said she would move out.  Months came and went and we did not see her even looking for a place to move to.  We took it upon ourselves to start looking for her.  To the point that we presented her with a couple of options one day.  The result of that was that she blew up at me. Stormed out and was gone for about a week. This, conveniently at the beginning of the month when rent money was due.  That left me to pay all of it...  She came back about a week later, and was quiet, very quiet but still had no plan to move anyplace.
I was about as patient with the situation as I could be but I REALLY did not want my first grandchild born into a home where there was a smoker living, who had no intention of making sure she was not exposed to her second hand smoke.
The more my son and his fiance and I talked about it, the more we realized that, if she wasn't willing to move as she had said she was, then we needed to do it.  We let the rest of another month go by. And then, again when the rent was due she left again, went to a friends out of town for a week... So that was two months in a row of not being willing to contribute to the rent where she lived.  Her doing this for a second month in a row really made me angry.  So much so that, as my soon to be daughter in law and I looked at apartments, we began to do so much more intently.  We spent two days looking and then found a nice one in a good neighborhood.  Put in an application, and by the next day, had been accepted.  All of this while my mother was still out of town.  We saw no reason to wait.  We immediately began moving our belongings in to the new apartment.
I really had not wanted to discuss anything with her, but my sense of fair play won out and I called her where she was and told her.  I know it made her mad but I felt it was what needed to be done. I told her we were moving, she asked when and I told her we were already in the process of packing and moving then.  She didn't really say anything but I could tell she was upset...people you have been around their whole lives, you just know...
She came back on my last night at the old place. She came in late and asked me maybe one question, and then in the morning while she was still sleeping, I left.
It left her on her own to decide what she was going to do then. She knew she couldn't afford that place alone. I cared, but then, I didn't. She had created the situation, she had just not done anything about it. It was not something I could feel sorry for her about.
Ultimately, she and her friend found a place out of town and she moved away.  I haven't seen her since. I speak to her on the phone but that's it.
There was a lot of anger on her part as I came and did cleaning and made arrangements for someone to take my cat that was still there (I couldn't bring him to the place I had moved to), to the point where I tried hard to avoid her in the time she was still there after I had moved out. Her words were angry and accusing and I didn't want to bother with any of it.
As she eventually found a place to move to and did so, time seems to have calmed things a bit between she and I.  I never spoke angry words to her in this situation, but I was angry. Angry that she couldn't put her first great grandchild's needs first, as I was willing to do.  That something like smoking meant so much to her she was unwilling to stop to protect the health of that baby. And that because of that, I felt like she forced my hand and making a change that she really did not like.
She complained about noise, living with her grandsons and I throughout the time we did live together. And she was unwilling to do anything about it herself. 
My view had been that she was getting older, and her grandsons were young men with lives and friends and they did not have a bed time like she needed. I just felt she would be better off not living with us.
So, where does it leave my relationship with her now?  I can't answer that from her perspective, only my own.
There are a lot of things I don't miss about her, but then just basic companionship I do miss a bit at times.
I'm sad she has never come down to meet her great granddaughter yet, and she is just over six months old now. When I speak to her on the phone she tells me very little about her life now. She asks me all about mine and comments on it in ways that have always irritated me, judging tone of voice and saying negative things that she does not see can hurt others.  Not as bad as she had been just before I moved, but I still get that from her and I still don't like it.
I honestly think my actions surprised my mother. She, I think, had me pegged as someone who would never do anything to hurt her intentionally.  That she could do whatever she wanted and I would, even if I wasn't okay with it, would put up with it and she would have her way. She was used to that, having her way. She is quiet and secretive about her feelings, what she does a lot of the time. And there are  a lot of things about her that are a mystery to all of her children.  But we love her just the same. I know I am not alone in wanting to understand my mother better, I think all four of us, my two brothers, my sister and myself, all want to.
We don't understand the choices she makes and why she is the way she is. 
I do understand that I forced her to make a change that made her feel insecure, in a life that I had let her feel secure for a long period of time, but it was at my own expense, money and my own life and comfort. She has to have felt that I did not leave her a choice in the situation.  Basically, she had choices but it was the fact that she actually had to make one, and change her living situation that was the real problem for her and that caused her to be angry with me. She moved, as I knew she would, some had wondered if I was leaving her homeless in what I had done. She has not changed anything else really about her life. Still smokes, spends money on her gambling habit and wants to borrow money from others for the important things, money she would have if she made better choices.
I cannot discuss money issues with her, she gets very angry with me. Because of that, I don't feel as if I would be the one to talk to her about anything of substance to help her or to try to understand the way she is.
I know she grew up in a generation where a person's problems were not discussed, were hidden away and not face or dealt with. She learned that from her parents, who slept in separate bedrooms, and barely spoke to each other, and who divorced as soon as she moved out. 
I know I had to have made her feel unsure of herself in all of this. I know from my brothers that she is not happy where she is now, and in the living situation she is in, although both were her choice this time.
I would love to understand what drives her, how she thinks and what she really wants out of life and why.  But I honestly don't think I ever will.  She has a hard time being honest about important things that she thinks will make her look bad in someone else's view.  So much so that she would rather lie than face an unpleasant truth in any situation.  I really don't understand wanting to take things from others rather than having the pride of being able to do for myself, that she seems to have.
As I said, this is all from my perspective. I really don't believe, given a chance, she would provide her perspective to most of this, other than to place blame on someone other than herself.
I don't regret my choices in the situation.  I have a beautiful granddaughter who I love with all my heart and she is in a safe, healthy home. My bottom line was that was what was the most important thing. Giving her a good start on her new life. 

yea I know....

I haven't been around much lately...not that I haven't wanted to be...  Work has been all-consuming lately, I've started working weekends, and in the evenings, by the time I'm done, I want to escape my computer.
Life has been interesting and normally I wouldn't mind posting it all here but, something tells me I shouldn't.
I have ideas of where to take "Pieces" as well, just not the time or energy to do it, lately.
My taxes still need to be done too, more than likely I will get to that sooner than just about anything else I have actually wanted to do...just because its something I really need to do.
I haven't called my mom at all since just after new year's day.  I think my brother is trying to make me feel guilty about that...a little anyway.  My mom gives people that call the "oh nobody loves me" bit when someone hasn't called in a week or two(or even when they do) if she thinks it will gain her some sympathy.  My reasons are simple, the one stated above and the fact that I have been able to spend less energy on drama, she seems to feed on that....She will make something out of nothing...I'd rather the nothing, more relaxing. kwim?
I really wish I had the time to write more often, that is another relaxing thing for me. Helps me let go of my day, and I've had some doozies lately... oh well maybe this weekend I will give it another shot.

yep its a new year....

Ok, so I haven't really posted lately, whatever.  I have been thinking about a lot of things lately...

 I rang in the new year watching Netflix. What a great thing that is for a movie lover like me.  All kinds of movies to pick from there.

Ive been in a pretty good mood lately.  Not much has really changed in my life at this point.  I still work all day and don't go out or do much lately.  But I like a lot of things the way they are.  I have my own space...something I had given up on ever thinking would happen.  I have a lot more freedom to do what I want, even if I don't do much with that freedom.  I've got a beautiful grand daughter who is 5 months old now and just as cute as ever.  I love that C and S got married just before Christmas, that was fantastic.

I feel like, despite the fact I'm broke, I have a lot of things to be happy about.   I sometimes feel like I am missing out on things...tell that to the people who are homeless and unemployed and trying to figure out where their next meal is coming from.  The things I feel like I'm too broke for, aren't even options for them.  So I tell myself to shut up and just relax with what I have.  For the most part I do just that.

I've got a cousin in OK that I need to call, gonna try calling this weekend, if he will even talk to me

But, I count myself lucky, I have a richer life than I give myself credit for most of the time. I've got a good roof over my head, a job I actually like, and I work from home.  I've got family that loves me as much as I love them. And that family keeps growing!  Whats not to like?  I could make a list but think I will pass.

Does anyone besides me like 70s music?  Not just the disco stuff, yes there were other songs in the 70s besides disco lol.  I like the pop and classic rock from that era.  I have found myself listening to it a lot lately. I guess it makes me happy, reminds me of a time in my life when things were a lot simpler than they are now. Less responsibility and I could just enjoy life...as much as I was able to..... as much of it as I can remember anyway.  I have gotten into the habit of listening to internet radio after work each day for a while.  Put on my headphones and crank it full volume.  Something so relaxing about it. So shoot me if you think it's dumb. Makes me happy, and that can't be a bad thing.  Hey, at least I use the headphones and no one else has to suffer.