Religious blathering

So, if you are one of those people who have it clearly in your mind that God is Everything and All Powerful blah blah blah, maybe you want to skip this....

It's not that I am an Atheist per se. I just have a problem with organized religions.  My oldest brother is a Christian, very devout, so he says. Goes to church a couple times a week and prays before each meal that whole thing. He believes in God, that he is the Father and all that stuff. 

I see religion as a way to say....well I can be forgiven for anything I do wrong, and I am a better person because I believe in something you don't believe in...And if anything happens its all in God's plan.  Well how the hell does anyone really know that? Because some old book says so? The same book that says some guy centuries ago turned plain old water into wine? Literally? Really? Come on.  That same said guy rose from the dead too? What is he a zombie? I just don't believe these things. 

Sure there are some good things in that old book, interesting stories and ideals.  Like the idea of treating others as you would want to be treated. I go for that myself, but it seems like so many Christians I see now days don't have a clue what that really means.  They treat you as a lesser person because you're not a follower of the same religion they are and its ok cause whatever they do wrong, God will forgive them and they get to go to Heaven, and I don't.   But then, Heaven is a whole other thing anyway.

Heaven and Hell, places that organized religion uses to get people to behave in the way they want them to.  If you're good you'll go to heaven and if you're bad you'll go to hell.  All these images have been conjured up over the centuries of what heaven is like and what hell is like, about angels and demons, God and the Devil.
How does an intellectual person buy into all of that? And yet, I know so many people who do buy into it. But I can't. 
I don't know if I could describe all the things I believe in a way that would make sense.  But I don't believe there is a God or the Devil. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell.  I do believe that the bible takes some of its "teachings" from our world's history.  Yes, I believe in evolution. There is so much evidence to support it, how could I not?  I don't know if the scientists have it all correct as to exactly how every species on earth, including man, evolved but there is so much more there that makes sense than a book that was put together centuries ago based on what some people were led to believe and stories that were told.
Hey, I don't knock religion, although it may sound like I do here.  If you're Christian or a Buddist or whatever, that's fine by me. I just don't happen to agree with it being the way for me to go in my life. 
It's not even so much the thing that I can't believe in what I can't see, because in my own inexplicable way I do believe in a higher power, watching over all we do each day.  But I don't believe it has the power to judge us and I don't believe it created us..In the beginning....

So, I guess I think that what guides me is that I get satisfaction from how I am each and every day. Was I kind to someone who was having a bad day, was I helpful to someone? Have I done what I can to make a positive impact in my own little circle of the world?  Small things, to be sure but to me, they are important.  I'm right with my world if I've treated YOU with the respect you deserve, and that is regardless of how you treated me today.   I don't think that gets me into a place called Heaven or anything like that. It just means I can sleep at night, comfortably, knowing I did what I felt was right.  And what's so wrong with that?
I'm just about done with this rant, I can just see what people I know would say if they read this...but hey I have the right just like they do, to believe what I do.  At least in this country I do. Pretty much.... I think that religious beliefs are something I like to avoid talking about because I know people don't like or approve of my views. I can say all I want that I support another person's right to believe what they want, but the moment I come out with what I believe, it makes me wrong.  Why is that? It makes me different, to be sure, but why wrong?  Just because they are so sure what they believe is right? Who says there is only ONE right? I sure don't.

Okay, enough blathering for tonight.

Playing along...

So, I haven't really decided if I have a subject name for this post.  Playing along? Games...  I don't know yet.
From time to time its something I think about.   The daily stream of life in general. People doing everything they do. And I get to wondering why about it all.   Yea I know, human experiences etc Relating, connecting to one another.  I get all that and yet I don't.  Hell, I participate in it everyday just like you all do. But do I really understand it? Not really.
People doing things they see as accomplishments. Running faster than someone else, jumping higher, scoring more points in a game. Making a movie and getting millions of dollars.  Participating in life, I know, but what's point of all of it? Being better than you or anyone, why should I try to be? What does it really matter? Is there a point to it?  We do things, or we don't do things and time passes and those things really don't matter. But what motivates us in the first place? Racing, competing, doing anything we do, is there a point to it all? If there is, I don't have any idea what that is. 
My thing is to survive in life, but surviving doesn't mean being better than the next person or doing anything to affect their life.  I play the game daily, at work mostly. I do what I do as quickly and as efficiently as I can. Some see me as really good at what I do, others, not so much. And the only thing that matters about it all to me is that I have the job the next day, next week, next month so I can continue to play the game.  I don't care if I'm better at what I do than others are, all I care about is if it gets me what I need to survive. And, maybe that is part of what everyone elses motivations are too.  But what makes them want to do things that don't help accomplish any specific goal in life? What causes them to enjoy playing a game and being better at it than someone else is? Why does it matter?
Part of my problem is, I think, that I don't see the answer to that.  I think about this little ball in space that we are on, each person doing many different things each day etc, and in the scheme of things it all means nothing really. Sometimes I choose not to participate because I just don't see a point to it.  To me, people are self absorbed and out for themselves. It really doesn't matter to me.
Like this blog I'm writing now, its not for you.  You can read it if you choose to or not, I don't care. It's just reflections of what goes through my mind at any given time. Things that don't matter to anyone else and are not really important at all.  I can do this, or not do this, really makes no difference does it?
I'm not nuts or depressed or anything like that. I participate when I need to.  Do what I have to to survive and all. Even do things to please others on occasion. But I don't have to.  I don't have to do anything really. No one does.
I know, this sounds really down and depressing to think that anyone doesn't need to do anything to contribute to society in general. But its what people choose to do on a daily basis and I wish I could understand it better.
People do foolish looking things that have absolutely no meaning, and then show it to others. What for? It just makes no sense to me at all.

I say all of this and yet, other days, like the one when I created this blog, I say that I want to know why people do what they do. The difference being not trying to understand the big picture and how futile it all is, but understanding the person. What they want in life and learning about their stories. So, I guess in my own odd way I do care, or am at least curious. I can show compassion when I need to, and I can understand others when they want me to, or need me to.  But one day I'd really be interested in picking just one person who did something major, be it a good thing or bad, and just learning about why they did it and if they thought at all about the effect of their action on those around them. Or, if it was done to someone, why they did it to them and what they expected the outcome to be. Or, if they even thought about these things at all. That, and checking out the ripple effect. Because that is usually a major thing. 
Enough for now. If any of this even makes any sense... I will read it over again later and see what I think.

What an exhausting week. I wish it was Friday evening instead of Thursday evening now.  More and more I wish I could be away from the stress of my job. I guess, in reality I could just quit, but then, what would I do. No money to take care of myself and the kids. That just doesn't work, unfortunately.  Most days i am good at my job. But, it seems that I have these little problems where something seems to go wrong just when the boss is watching. I'm just one of those lucky people, I guess.
I didn't to this blog tonight to complain though, I guess I just have so much on my mind I wanted to vent a bit.  I already had a good cry, yesterday after what was a really bad day.  And, this morning, when I was doubting I should be any where near my job. Wondering why I still have one really.  Maybe I should just not question it and learn to let go of things much quicker than I do now.  I have what I have and its a lot more than many other people have, I should just be grateful for it.  Yes, life is complicated sometimes but it is what it is. You either deal with it, or you don't. I know I will regardless. If only I weren't so tired right now, it might be easier to be more optimistic than I am.  Maybe some sleep will help. And an easier day tomorrow would be nice too...


I am thinking about a lot of things, maybe I will blog about them, maybe not but not tonight.  Right now, bed just sounds so good. Sleep...

Gone...more

Music softly playing, sounded like from another room, she couldn't be sure yet.  The room was dark and she was lying down on something soft. The music was gentle and calming, but not like anything she had ever heard before.  As Annie woke up it was this music that calmed her. She was in a dark place that was not at all familiar to her, and yet she was not really scared. 

In the darkness Annie sat up and realized she had been laying on a bed. It was comfortable but she wanted to find her mom and dad now. She wanted to know where she was, not to sleep more. The music played on, Annie put her feet on the floor and her hands out in front of her to guide her in the darkness.  She took several steps and realized she had come to a wall. Still completely dark in this room she was in. She wanted to find the door. Annie ran her hands along the wall trying to feel for anything different. For a minute or so it was just walls. And then she found a door frame and then the door knob.   She grasped this but it would not turn, and the door would not open for her.

Now, despite the calm music, Annie did begin to panic. She wanted to be someplace not dark and scary, she wanted her mom and dad too. She tried the door knob again and still it wouldn't turn.  Annie hit her hand on the door now several times. "I want out," she said. This was answered with silence. The music stopped playing but no one answered her.  The darkness was enveloping her and it really scared her now. No calm music and no one coming to let her out.  She hit her hand on the door a couple more times and said again, "I want out. " It stayed quiet and dark.

Annie walked past the doorway and felt her way along the wall again.   After several more minutes of slowing moving in the dark, her hands came upon a rougher surface on the wall. She wasn't sure of what it was, just that it wasn't as smooth as the rest of the walls. Had she been able to see it, she would have found it was a board over a window, to cover it.  In the darkness though, she had no idea what it was and so she went on with her hands along the wall. Hoping to find something, anything, to get out of this place.

As she continued on Annie came to another doorway, on the opposite side of the room from where the first door had been. She found the door knob for this door now. Tried to turn it and, surprisingly this door knob did turn in her hand.  She turned it as far as it would go and tried to open the door, first by pulling on the knob, which didn't work. And then by pushing the door away from her.   This worked.   She had hoped to find light in this next room as she pushed the door open.  Instead, she found more darkness.  She went through the doorway regardless, not knowing what she might find in yet another dark room. 

Just a Wednesday night

So, I have talked to a person or two in my family since I last posted here. Going to be a bigger deal at Thanksgiving than I thought it would be.  Apparently everyone wants to come here since they know I'm going to be here and cooking...something lol A gathering for just my brother and I has turned into a gathering for at least 9 people now.  You can bet I'm planning on delegating things so I don't have to buy and fix it all. Being fair about this... Going to be a busy interesting day.

I'm STILL working on getting rid of this crud I've had for over a week now. It makes it hard to work with it but I did today anyway. Only lost my voice once while talking to a customer, not bad!

I, like a lot of people, I'm sure, had spent a lot of time since last night watching the rescue of the Chilean miners. All 33 of them are up now and its been a fantastic thing to watch, the family reunions, the idea that they are all fairly healthy looking despite being underground for so long. And the pride that country feels now at having brought them all up alive.  A toast to Chili for that.  Its been crazy but looks like they finally ended the drama and made a lot of people happy.  That's a nice thing to see in the news for a change. My local news is just more about gang violence, people getting hurt and all that is wrong with my little slice of the world. Maybe that was why I was so drawn to the miners being rescued.  Something that was good news for a change. Happy people who did what they could to make a good outcome for these men.  

I have had more time to think also, about the story I started a few days ago, and haven't done any more work on yet.  I like the shape it is taking in my mind.  So, I may do a bit more with it in the next couple days. Getting to where I'm not sick anymore has been a slow process and I haven't had energy to do anything at all.

This is just a normal night of the week, there isn't anything special going on. I called my brother and broke the news to him earlier that its going to be a lot more than just he and I for Turkey day.  He, at least, offered to come early and help with stuff.  I took him up on it lol. 

I've got a quiet time right now. I'm the only one home and no one expects anything of me. Just the way I like it. I have already grown used to having my own space again. It had been years since I could say that.  I didn't have my own room, I slept on a couch and had no privacy. But standing up and doing something about it finally, has paid off.  I think that if anyone were to ask me if I wanted to live with my mother again...that would be a cold day in Hell lol.
I don't hate her or anything, but I like the idea that I can be an adult and not be judged on every thing I do, or don't do that she does not approve of. It's my life, not hers and I finally get to enjoy it without her standing over me passing judgement or getting into my things all the time. What is seen as a more normal life really.   I can actually be sick and have a place to sleep whenever I need to, not in a living room and waiting for everyone else to go to bed at night or anything like that any more, so that I can have peace and quiet to rest.  Nice.

I've been missing B though. Having to give him up was a choice I had to make to gain my freedom here.   I think I will always regret that part of it.  At least he has a new home and is safe and well cared for. That is the good part of it.  I will always love him and I have pictures still for good memories of him.  I have had to make myself move on from my life with him.

So, my quiet little life here.   As I said in my profile, sometimes I think too much and act too little. I like the quiet, and I hope to be able to let a part of me that has been caged up for far too long, out of the cage a little at a time. Until, one day I'm doing what I wanted to do years ago. I'm not ready to say just what that was. Nothing bad I promise. But I need to learn to be free again. I haven't known that feeling for a very very long time now.  One step at a time, like so many other things in life. 


I've dribbled on enough for one night.

So, the story I started last time, I will get around to more if it later. But its' not your everyday story like it might appear to be. More later though.

I've been still sick with this crud that has been making me cough up my lungs. And, I've been watching baseball over the last few days.   I'm an oddity I think, living in CA and going for ATL in the games against SF.  Hard to make sense of but I just love those guys from ATL, not much else I can say about it.   The games have been exciting, my sis calls me and we talk about each game, she from her SF loving perspective, me from my ATL loving perspective. Makes for interesting discussions since the games have been so close and so competitive between the two teams. Maybe I don't really care so much who wins, I just love the games that have been played so far.  Nuff said, this wasn't going to be a sports blog tonight.

The idea that today was a holiday was interesting to me. I don't think our co has taken this day as a holiday before. Our clients didn't think so either.  Tomorrow should be a fun mess due to the amount of client contact that went unanswered today. A day where we are bound to have grumpy people to talk to.  But hey, everyone has a bad day sometimes, right?  I can just imagine the thoughts running through their head as they called for the 2nd or 3rd time and no one called them back.   Only one client had the thought (after their 3rd call) that hey, it's Columbus Day, maybe you guys aren't there today?  

Started making plans for the holidays over this past weekend. Finding out who is doing what and wants to go where. So far it looks like I'm getting to stay home and that is fine by me.  No idea beyond one of my brothers, who is coming here to hang out with me. But there is still time to get that all figured out before Turkey Day. If I do a turkey that is. Haven't decided on that yet either. More later on that soon here.

Gone

Sitting on the back porch steps. It's a rainy day and there is nothing to do. At six she really didn't understand why no one was playing with her today. Just that she wanted to do things.  Go to the park, play with Janie next door, go see a movie with Momma, anything except sitting here watching the rain.  Momma was busy in the kitchen and Daddy had gone off to do something, she wasn't sure what.

Out in the rain she spotted her ball, laying on the wet grass, getting wetter as it rained.  Not thinking about getting wet she decided to go get it. She wasn't wearing a jacket or anything to keep her dry, Momma had said not to go out in the rain, "You'll get wet." she had said. Annie didn't think about that now, she got up and went down the three steps from the back porch and walked out onto the grass to get her ball.  As she approached the ball, bushes at the back of the yard rustled. At first she didn't see that, or hear anything, other than the rain that was coming down fairly heavy now.

She bent down and picked up the ball and when she stood up straight again, something caught her eye.  Bushes at the back end of the yard. They seemed to be moving as if it were really windy. Despite the rain there really wasn't much wind. Annie stood, in the rain, staring at the bushes and wondering what was making them move so much. All the bushes around that were still.  As she watched, they moved again, and she caught a glimpse of something blue within them.  Her curiosity peaked and, still holding her ball, she walked towards the bushes to see what was there.

A few steps away from the bushes she heard her mother's voice behind her.  "Annie! Come back here and get out of that rain.  I told you not to get wet!"  Momma didn't sound happy.  So, she turned around and ran for the back steps. A moment later she was inside and Momma was drying her hair with a towel, telling her she had to get out of those wet clothes right away.


A little while later she sat on her bed, dry and warm again, the bushes outside were forgotten now. She wanted Momma to read her a story. Momma promised to do that for her if she would try to take a nap after wards.  Annie said she would and so she got the story she wanted.  She drifted off to sleep a short time later, thinking about the story she had been told. 

The next day the rain was gone, Annie wondered about why it rained. She didn't know but she decided that the rain was not fun. It kept her inside and she couldn't do what she wanted to do. She didn't care about getting wet, but Momma seemed to.

Daddy was home today, this made her happy. She loved to play with Daddy, he always made her laugh and gave her lots of hugs.  She asked if she could have some ice cream and Daddy, who almost always said yes, did just that today. They got into the car and Daddy drove to the ice cream place that he always took her to. She could pick whatever she wanted and today the flavor was chocolate.

She sat in a chair just outside the ice cream shop licking her chocolate ice cream, not really thinking about anything at all, except how good it was. Daddy had gone back inside to get some napkins for her.  Annie didn't see the man in the parking lot watching her. He sat in a car that she wouldn't have been able to tell anyone what it was, just that the color was green. If she had seen him, but she didn't.   The man sat behind the wheel and stared at her.  Daddy came back with the napkins and the man in the car looked in a different direction, hoping no one would see he had been staring at the little girl outside the ice cream shop.

For several days after that, he followed whenever Annie went someplace. At a safe distance, in hopes of not being noticed by anyone.  He even watched her house when she was just at home.  If you were to ask him why he watched Annie, he probably couldn't have given a good reason, except that she was cute and he was drawn to her in some odd, unexplainable way.  He thought about the little girl almost constantly.  He had never talked to her or touched her or even approached her. But she consumed his thoughts, just the same. Such a beautiful, innocent little girl, he couldn't help himself.

A trip to the grocery store two days later.  Annie wandered away from her Momma. She wasn't thinking about Momma, she saw bright labels and food she liked, she was just looking at them as she wandered..  Hadn't even noticed yet that Momma wasn't still right nearby. And her Momma, busy talking with the neighbor lady in the aisle where the cereal boxes were, hadn't yet noticed that Annie wasn't still right near her.  By the time she figured it out, and went looking, Annie was no where to be found. She was frantic, the store manager had most of the employees looking for her too.  No one found her inside the store or out in the parking lots around it.  Police came and made a report, got a picture of Annie and told her mother they would do everything they could to find her.

Finally

Yea I know, everyone is glad it's finally Friday.  That very much includes me this time around.   Most of the time I don't really care but, this week has been hard.  Got some sort of bug that's going around and I feel like crap.  It will be nice to have a long weekend where I don't have to worry about coughing when I talk to people on the phone. And then I get to sleep, which is all I have really wanted to do anyway. 
I could go on about my week at work but I think I will pass on that, it's over I'm all for letting it go now.  I still have had a chance to think about people and the way they act in any given situation.   And I really wish I knew more about some of the people I interact with. Mainly at work. Can never tell I call someone if they are going to be friendly, or if they are going to try to bite my head off.  Hazard of the job though, I guess.

Maybe I just wonder about the stories that each person's life tells. I don't know hardly any of those stories but I would like to. Maybe the person I talked to was having a bad day, and another person was in a good mood because it's a Friday before a long weekend.  I'd love to be able to take a look at people's lives to understand better. 

Another of the things I like is writing. Fiction and poetry. It has been a long time since I wrote anything I felt was any good, but maybe I will do some of that here on occasion and see how it goes. Even if it's not any good, it's the act of writing that I love, thinking and making that connection between the hands and the brain and using my imagination. What could be better? It's easy and it's free(mostly) and it's a great way to pass the time. It's an added plus that sometimes I learn more about myself along the way.

 So if I were to write tonight what would I write about? Well, I like to think about how other writers got their ideas to spin such interesting stories. That and taking apart the pieces to see how they construct them as well.  I think my main problem is that I come up with what sounds like an interesting idea for a story and I start it and then I end up not knowing where to go with it.  And I worry if I have put in enough details to draw and keep the reader's interest in my characters. Something I want to work on.. and I've got a few good days off coming up now so I will have the chance to do that.

Another

So, recently I posted a blog about all being good at the end of the day...wish that was how I felt about this day but it's not. Today was a day better forgotten.
I went to sleep sick last night and so I was still sick this morning. Hacking up my lungs, headache, body aches, the works.  It was a very work intensive day on top of that, wore me out.   Grumpy bosses that demand things their way but that seems to change, as it did again today. Leaves me frustrated and sometimes confused as to just how I will ever please them. I'm thinking it's just not possible at this point.

All of my frustration at work today encompassed several aspects of the job and left me with a lot to think about tonight.  I know I am far from perfect, but I feel as if I am expected to be just that, perfect.   Instead I am human. That's all I can be.  I can try hard, and I usually succeed at what I do, but there are days, like today, where not everything goes as planned.  It was one of those days I should have stayed in bed, but knew I couldn't do that.

Really though, this is all along the same thread, people, my relationships with them and the way they do the things they do.  I'm too tired to dive into this in too much detail tonight, so I won't be doing that here.

I guess all I can hope for is a better day tomorrow. Less frustrations, and me feeling more healthy than I did today. It wasn't fun and I'm exhausted from it all. 

My good note for the day was going to A's house tonight to visit for a few.  He and B were home and I was glad to see them again.  Was pretty much the main good thing that happened today.   S sent me a new pick of my granddaughter and I love that.  The rest of the day was forgettable, so that is what I'm going to try to do, forget it.  Learn what I can from it, and forget the rest. And hope for a better day tomorrow. We'll see what happens.
 

All's good at the end of the day...

So, today was an interesting day. Eventually figured out what was going on with work this afternoon and it's all back on track...pretty much, I guess.

My happy time was tonight. I spent time with A for the first time in a while now and it was relaxing and fun, a lot like it used to be with him. Neither of us brought up a lot of the past, except I did talk to him about grandma some. It told him something he didn't know and made a difference in how he had been viewing my behavior. I think it helped really.

I knew there had been stress around the subject of Bo too, but B mentioned cats and I told her all about what happened with Bo, so she could tell A. Took away the awkwardness of the situation and A will know it was all resolved in a good way in the end.  Something else we can put in the past and move on from now.
Dinner was great and it was so nice to see his smile and listen to his jokes again, it had been too long. I really missed him.  B was actually pleasant to me too and it was a comfortable meeting, hadn't had that for a while now.

I think I'm learning to navigate with A now and I'm so grateful that it's happening finally. The estranged and angry thing from him actually hurt a lot after all the years of being close. It's nice to see that he realizes I still love him and he is becoming ok with that again.

The idea of the blog..looking around at people, and myself. This fits it well.
It's okay to look at people I don't know but if I get a chance to examine my own relationships and understand them better, that's a definite plus.

A is one of the people I care most about in this world and to have him back in my life again means so much to me I don't know how to put that into words. I guess time does heal wounds, even though I never really have understood what exact wounds I caused. What is important is that they were wounds he felt I had caused him and he needed time to heal from them a bit before we could interact again.  That pained me, I missed him, I missed how things used to be between us. 

I'm not really one to take things for granted, I tend to notice and appreciate what I have, and earn it.  One of my pet peeves has always been the sense of entitlement people have at times.  They get something given to them and they just assume they deserve whatever it is that is handed to them. Often so much so they forget to say thank you and appreciate the person(s) who gave it to them.  That's so not me and I think those who have so much and don't take the time to realize where it came from and appreciate it, are somehow walking around feeling like they are better than anyone else.  I've seen far too many people like that and it saddens me because they don't learn how to share.


We are all parts of a whole on this planet.  We coexist, or at least we are supposed to.  So, what does hatred get us? Why do we hate others who are so much more like us than we often realize. We are all part of the human experience, collectively or separately. That is why I try so hard to understand others, their lives their reasoning, their mistakes, their triumphs their failures.


I honestly do not judge others. I do my very best to keep an open mind about someone.  I can form opinions but I, at the same time, realize that the opinion is based solely on what I know about a person.  There is ALWAYS a lot more about them that I don't know. If I look at a situation with anyone in that way, I realize that there is no way I can judge someone wrongly because I just don't know...  That and the fact that everyone does what they do for a reason. 


Whether what they do is socially acceptable or not, there is always a reason. Even if they don't know themselves what it might be.


That to me, is what makes the human experience so interesting, differences from one person to the next and their lives and morals and ideals, dreams and hardships and victories, no matter how small.  As I said, everyone has a story to tell. Even if they don't want to tell it.

This morning

So so far this morning I'm about half awake and wondering what is happening. I hate being on the back end of the work on the weekends, leaves me in the dark as to what the other person is doing.  And, apparently everyone else is in the dark about it too.  I get questions about what is going on and I don't have answers.  Oh well, not much I can do about it.

I feel like I could use another 8 hours or so of sleep but that's not happening. Last night I started this new blog by talking about people sort of, and my self as well.  It's too early for me yet to have deep thoughts lol.  So, I'm not going to continue that same thread until later today, if I find time. I always have things on my mind, wondering about people, just like I am currently wondering about my co worker. So many questions that I know I'm not welcome to ask her. Would probably just piss her off.

At least it's Saturday and I don't have to work all day today, one of the very few days I don't. I don't have any plans for the day either. Seems contradictory to say in one paragraph "if I find time" and in the next to say"I don't have any plans for the day" but time just seems to fly by and before I know it the day is over and I have usually accomplished very little.  Goes with what I said about all the things I know I could be doing or should but I just don't. 


Shortly here I am going in search of breakfast and some coffee, both of which I know I will find.  I get all my coffee free and I love that fact. And I definitely need to wake up. I haven't decided on what breakfast will be though. 


There are enough things that I need to do at this point that I could have a day full, only problem is that my boss did not pay me yesterday and most of the things take money to do them.   If he hasn't paid me by Monday I need to ask him about it. My rent will be late and the bills all need to be paid and Monday is my oldest son's birthday as well.  Seems like almost every month my boss leaves me wondering when I will get paid and stressing about things that need to be done with the money. Also wondering if I will have any left to last me the month....I usually don't.


Such is life. I need coffee. Be back later...

A different perspective - a different day

The premise of this blog is something simple and I'm sure not at all unique. I just wanted a place to put down random thoughts on random days.  I have a lot of things going on in my life some days, others not so much.  The idea of putting them all someplace where I can go back and read them later just appealed to me.  As I said, not at all unique, but helpful to me regardless. 

I know that people go through a range of emotions and events in their daily lives and I thought this would be a good place to record mine. 

I'll start simple just for tonight, and work my way in as I go...

My days are mostly filled with work, more hours a day and more days a week than I want to work but I have a mountain of bills each month and rent and responsibilities to keep up with...so I work.  I dare say it hasn't left me with all that much time or energy to have much of a personal life, but then there are more reasons than just work for that. Another blog for another time though...

I don't see myself as anyone special, or unique but I do believe that I'm not less or more of a person than anyone else on the planet. I don't feel like I have any special talent that sets me apart from anyone else either.  But, in my own way I do feel unique, because I know that each and every one of us is just that. Unique.


I've spent my life looking at people and what they do and in some cases don't do. Trying to understand them and wanting to know more. I'm one of those that believes that each and every one of us has a story to tell, maybe they just don't all realize it. I know some do though. 


And yet, I don't really spend much time looking at myself. I don't do all the things I mean to do, or know I should.  I let myself talk myself out of things that might be good for me or new or interesting if I tried them.   Do I feel self-centered writing about me?  Yes, but its about time I quit that. Why not think and write about me? No one else will. :)